Should I Stay or Should I go

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Last night, my feed started filling up with ads for foreign visas. Did yours? LOL. It reminded me of the conversations Joel and I have had about the possibility of becoming expats. The idea of leaving behind the familiar and starting a new chapter abroad is both thrilling and overwhelming. For years, we’ve fantasized about restoring a château in France, hosting friends for dinners under the stars, and immersing ourselves in a different way of life. What once felt like a far-off dream is now inching closer to the realm of possibility.

It’s ironic. Around this time last year, Joel and I decided to create a plan for what to do if what happened…happened. But then life swept forward, and we never followed through.

The plan was ambitious. It included learning a new language, preparing the house to sell at the push of a button, and tackling all those little things you put off for years. You know the ones—the quirks you’ve learned to live with but a realtor would zero in on immediately. Like mismatched hardware on doors, unfinished paint jobs, and creaky floors. (Please tell me we’re not the only ones.)

We’ve been meaning to address these things for years. For example, a few years ago, we hired someone to redo our home office/closet/“where-do-I-put-this” space. It was an overwhelming disaster, and I don’t have the courage to show you the before pictures. Let’s just say, it was a dump.

When we decided to start splitting our time between Vermont and Los Angeles, renting the LA house on Airbnb meant we had to get serious. Joel knew someone from his BNI networking group, Laura Ellis, who runs an organizing business OrganizedByEllis. Her team transformed our chaotic catch-all into a space we’re proud of. (Check out her Instagram if you need inspiration—it’s worth it!)

That was one small victory. But the big plan? It’s still sitting there, waiting.

Who Else is Thinking About Leaving?

I’ve been wondering how many others are toying with the idea of packing up and starting fresh somewhere else. It feels like the possibility is on a lot of people’s minds right now.

A call I was on last night was full of word salad—everyone talking, no one leading. And I couldn’t help but think: This is why we lost. Meanwhile, the other side rallies with simple, unified messages like, "Do what we say. Chant USA."

It’s frustrating. And it’s exhausting. So, the question lingers: What’s next?

The Fantasy of a Fresh Start

A friend of ours sold everything and moved to Italy years ago. He ended up marrying an Italian citizen and building a life in Rome. Another friend of Joel’s moved to France last year to escape San Francisco. She’s the kind of person whose personality mirrors her aesthetic—black, white, and red, with no room for nuance. I can’t say I’m her biggest fan, but her story stuck with me, especially when she and her husband were featured in a CNN article about how awful their experience had been.

Recently, a different friend who moved to France reached out to Joel. She’s kind and thoughtful, and she was looking to connect with someone else Joel knew who had also relocated there. Joel hesitated, wondering if the connection would work out. The sweetness of her request reminded us of how important building a community can be when starting fresh somewhere new.

And then there’s us. For years, Joel and I have fantasized about buying a château in France—restoring it, hosting friends for long dinners in the countryside. It’s a daydream that resurfaces whenever things here feel particularly heavy. Check out Dream French Properties on Instagram, and you’ll see exactly how we got hooked on this idea.

Last night, while having dinner with some of our closest friends in Los Angeles, the topic came up again. With fires threatening our area, increasing insurance risks, and an ever more unpredictable climate, the fantasy started to feel less like a dream and more like a potential reality.

A Shift in Perspective

When Kamala Harris spoke about welcoming everyone to the table, it felt like a breath of fresh air—a reminder of what inclusivity can look like—and I found myself inspired. But not everyone sees it that way. The gloating on the other side is palpable, and resisting the urge to mirror that "in-your-face" energy is going to be a real challenge.

A year ago, I felt defiant: You don’t get to push us out. This is our country. Now, my perspective is shifting. Maybe leaving isn’t about giving up—it’s about choosing. Choosing with intention. Choosing with clarity. Choosing to build the life we want, whether it’s here or somewhere else.

For us, it’s not just about politics or frustrations. It’s about asking, When do you hold on, and when do you let go?

If we’re going to stay, we need a plan. If we’re going to leave, we need a plan. Either way, it’s about being ready to choose—not reacting, but deciding.

A Practical Guide to Choosing Your Path

If you’re considering a big move, here are some valuable resources to guide you:

1. Start Small
   Identify the practical tasks you’ve been avoiding. Is your house ready to sell? Do you have a budget? A timeline? Start tackling the little things now so they don’t overwhelm you later. The International Citizens’ Moving Abroad Checklist is a great resource for covering all the bases.

2. Learn the Language
   If you’re eyeing a specific country, start learning the language. Apps like Duolingo or Rosetta Stone can help you get started.

3. Build Your Network
   Connect with people who’ve already made the leap. Expat Exchange offers forums and advice for building a support system abroad.

4. Research Logistics
   What visas are available? What’s the healthcare system like? How does taxation work? Go Overseas provides a comprehensive guide for navigating these essentials.

5. Test the Waters
   Before selling everything, try a long stay. Rent a place for a few months and see if the reality matches the fantasy. French-Property.com is an excellent place to browse short- and long-term rentals.

6. Reflect on Your Why
   Why are you considering this move? Is it about running from something or building something new? The clearer your “why,” the easier the “how” becomes.

The Choice is Yours

We don’t know yet if we’ll stay or go. Maybe we’ll see you at the château. Maybe we’ll host you for dinner here. Either way, maybe it’s time to decide—not out of fear, but out of choice.

The only wrong move is standing still.

What’s your plan?

Whether you're wrestling with the decision to stay or go, there’s one thing we can all agree on: uncertainty demands preparation. It’s easy to be swept up in daydreams of sipping wine in Tuscany or strolling cobblestone streets in Bordeaux, but those dreams need a foundation to stand on.

If nothing else, the exercise of imagining a fresh start can bring clarity to what you really want from your life—here or abroad. Maybe the real château is the one you’re already building, day by day, wherever you are.

So, what’s your next step? Are you ready to tackle those little projects that have been nagging at you? Ready to explore a new language, culture, or way of life? Or are you simply ready to make the life you have even better?

The choice is yours. Just make sure it’s intentional. Because, as someone wise once said: The only wrong move is standing still.

Let me know in the comments: Are you thinking about staying, going, or creating a third option that’s entirely your own? I’d love to hear your thoughts.